The Sound Of Inevitability
by spacemonkey69
Summary: Chandler has an appointment with a psychiatrist. Oneshot, please read and review! Set in late Season 7


Hey kids! I am on a role at the moment! This is my little thing that I wrote while in the middle of doing chapter 11 for smoke and mirrors...I was stuck hehe. But yes, this is me trying something completely different...having nothing but dialogue. That is weird to me, because I love writing all the other stuff, but I truly believe that dialogue is the most important thing in a story, and I hope to god that no one gets confused reading this, cause it is pretty long...but there is only two characters, so I'm sure you guys will be fine! Please read and review and I love you

I do not own friends/actors/characters, but I do own the intense need to finish my chap of smoke and mirrors before I go to bed...hmm, its 11:39 pm and I still have a few thousand words to go...if I stop chatting away here, I could probably do it! 

"You know, it doesn't really surprise me that much."

"What doesn't?"

"That I'm back on the couch."

"What couch?"

"What couch do you think? The one that I'm currently lying on?"

"I see…you've been on a couch before?"

"When I was a kid…man, therapy is the best."

"And why did you have therapy then?"

. "Is this not written in your little notebook?"

"Yes, but I want you to tell me."

"Because then this will take longer then it should and you will get more money?"

"I'm not in this for the money Chandler."

"Sure you aren't…so, you wanna hear about my last visit to the crazy couch, do ya?"

"If you don't mind."

"Well, naturally, it began with the regurgitation of a wonderful Thanksgiving meal, which happened because my father decided he was gay and therefore my parents were getting themselves a little divorce. I, uh, I didn't take it very well, but I got over it-"

"Did you?"

"Didn't I?"

"Only you can answer that question Chandler."

"Well, I think that it did change my entire outlook on life, and I know that if they hadn't broken up…if my dad _hadn't _decided to have orgies in the poolhouse with guys, then I would be a different person."

"What sort of person, do you think?"

"I wouldn't…I probably wouldn't make as many jokes, and I would most likely be a lot more confident, and have less issues with women…that's why Monica made me come, isn't it?"

"She had her reasons…why do you think you wouldn't make as many jokes?"

"Because my penis is too big."

"Excuse me?"

"See? That's what I do! I make jokes when things get too personal or serious…but it's true, my penis is in a whole other league of its own."

"It's a defence mechanism, would you say?"

"Wow…20 years later and the shrinks are still coming to the same conclusion…yes, it's a defence mechanism, what else would it be? Everybody uses humour as a defence mechanism, because otherwise life would be incredibly depressing and mundane."

"Why do you think that you created this defence mechanism?"

"Because I'm warped? Because at age 8, I saw my dad screwing another dad? Because it was either that or I would dwindle into a depressing pool of patheticness? Did I hit the mark yet?"

"I don't know, did you?"

"Are you playing mind games with me? Because, I must warn you, the last person who did that received a good mocking."

"I don't play mind games Chandler."

"Maybe that's why people hate shrinks so much."

"People hate shrinks so much because they tell them things that they already know, but were to afraid to admit to themselves…what are you too afraid to admit to yourself Chandler?"

"That one day, I may shave my legs, put on a wig, and dance with my father."

"Really?"

"Well…not exactly. But I am scared of turning into him…or turning into my mother. Either way, I'm pretty freaked out. Because, either way, its gonna be me sleeping with 20 year old boys names Enrico."

"But you are in a relationship with Monica?"

"Yes, for 2 and a half years now…we're getting married soon….why did Mon decide to send me here?"

"She didn't tell you?"

"No, and the only reason I came was because she asked me to…it's because I have low views about myself, isn't it? Or perhaps it's because I leave my clothes on the floor?"

"It could be a number of those things Chandler…actually, she just wanted you to figure a few things out…because she cares about you, and doesn't want you going into this marriage with mixed feelings."

"Oh…yeah, that sounds about right…I didn't even think that it would have to do with us getting married. But then, I barely have any involvement with it…it's a girls thing, not that I mind much. I get to relax. But man, I can't believe I'm getting married."

"And what do you think about getting married?"

"Surprisingly, I haven't freaked out yet…which is very peculiar for me. Usually I would be running for the hills when a relationship moved into the fifth week."

"And what does that tell you?"

"That my running days have disappeared with age?"

"What makes the relationship with Monica different to any other relationship you've ever had?"

"We compliment each other, I guess you could say. We both have all these hang-ups and complexes that have scared others off, so it only seems right that we should enjoy those hang-ups together. And plus, it's pretty simple. I love her."

"You didn't love the other ones?"

"I loved two of the other ones…and I pretty much got over my commitment phobia with the first one, Janice…but then she went and kissed her ex husband. And then with Kathy, well I loved her even more, but then she went and slept with her co star…are you seeing a pattern?"

"You think that just because two girls have cheated on you, that all girls are going to?"

"I did…for quite a while with Mon too…not that I don't trust her, it's just I don't trust her ex boyfriend, with his cigars and stupid moustache…the big tree. I always felt so insecure every time his name was brought up…but, and this is a cool story, when I went to propose to Mon, everything got screwed up and Richard, the tree, came and told Mon that he wanted to marry her…but she picked me. So, that's what made me finally sure that Mon wouldn't cheat on me. And that is what makes me and Mon different to any others."

"So, even though you are in a committed and loving relationship with Monica, you still think that you will turn into one of your parents?"

"It's possible…I mean, I trust Mon, but I don't really trust myself…I mean, I can't even trust myself to speak half the time, because I obviously don't have any control over my voice, whatsoever! I quite often find my mouth open, waiting for my enormous shoe to fill it….I tend to talk until someone stops me."

"I noticed."

"I would be offended, but I was the one who said it. But I still think that merits a _hey_!"

"Your hey is recognised. But tell me Chandler; were your parents ever in a loving and committed relationship?"

"You know what you just did?"

"What?"

"You flipped it around. The first time, you said committed and loving, and the second time you said loving and committing."

"…"

"Yeah, I don't know why I said that."

"Stalling, perhaps?"

"Could be?"

"So, were they?"

"Well, Dr Goldman…hey, that reminds me of a conversation I had with Phoebe-"

"We shall talk about that later Chandler…about your parents."

"Man, you're pushy! Okay, no, they never were in a _committed _and _loving _relationship."

"Why did you say it like that?"

"Because I'm mocking you."

"Why?"

"Because I know what you are going to say."

"What am I going to say?"

"That their situation is completely different to mine, and therefore I ain't gonna turn gay and go sing 'It's Raining Men' in Vegas, correct?"

"Close enough."

"Well, the majority of me realises that, but still, there is that nagging voice in the back of my mind, which for some reason, sounds exactly like Robin Williams, telling me that I'm gonna end up sleeping with Enrico…not that he can talk, he married his nanny…was it his nanny? Was it even Robin Williams? Yes…yes it was."

"I think we are going to need a few more sessions."

"Told you I was twisted."

"I wouldn't say twisted Chandler…more complex."

"That's the nice way of putting it. You think I'm twisted."

"Well, we are out of time Chandler, so we will talk about that next time."

"Meaning, you think I'm twisted."

"Make an appointment with Betsy, and I will see you soon!"

"Avoiding it, like always. I know you guys are meant to listen, but jeez!"

"Chandler, please, I have another client waiting."

"Fine, I'm going, but I just have one more thing Doc."

"And what is that?"

"Stop checking the clock, you have plenty of time."

"Do I?"

"Don't you?"

"Stop that."

"Not so funny when I do it to you, is it?"

"What is your one more thing Chandler?"

"It's a well known fact that everybody either turns into their father or their mother…so no matter what you say, I am going to have at least some of their qualities installed into me, whether it be just small bits of personality, or huge things such as screwing Enrico…it's impossible to dodge and impossible to ignore.

And that, Doc, is the sound of inevitability."


End file.
